i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
