we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
