I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
