I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
