I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
