guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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