I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
where am i from again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
