before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
