she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
