but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
