I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize