I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
