i already hear my dad disowning me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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