i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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