now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
