I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
4 words: hood of his car
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
