All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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