sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
