Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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