She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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