I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
