I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
