Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize