Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
