I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
