Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
