Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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