There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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