is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
