john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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