You work out of a Hotel?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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