glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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