Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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