My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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