fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
