her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
