he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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