Barsexuality is the new black.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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