Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
