sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize