Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
