take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
