no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
