i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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