I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
