Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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