He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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