could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
