I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
