Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize