No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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