were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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