he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
