it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
