K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
