The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
