She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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