We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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