$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
