gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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