Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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