is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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