I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize