Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
