I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
