bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
