hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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