I'm lost and stupid without you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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