Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
