I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
