I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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