so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
