Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
