I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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