Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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