Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
