OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
