How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
