first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
