I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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