Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
