So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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