If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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