i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
