Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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