yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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