shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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