no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
