The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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