Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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