my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hippo gnu deer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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