You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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