someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
