i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
