We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
