I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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